Hind Sight

It has been a long time since I blogged last. This is not a Catholic version of a guilt confession, just a statement of fact. I generally have reasons why I take periods of time off and not write anything. Usually it is mood related...just don't feel like it shit.

I love my wife, yet there are times when I get insecure about her and I. When she gets to drinking too much she says anything without reguard to what she is actually saying. I believe she behaves in ways that she normally would not.

Mary is still out of the house. No prospect of her returning. Admittedly the house does not suffer the loss from the lack of bickering that used to be. Things we used to lock up are not locked up now. Food that once was eaten in one day is now spread out much further. Yet, she is missed because she can have a kind heart too. And she is opinionated, but I never really saw that as a bad thing. Great people are usually opinionated and their successes are attributable to that personality.

I am angry about Kelli's family betting on our marriage to fail. They were nice to my face, but behind my back they were pit vipers. I will not grace any of their doorsteps again. I have family that loves me, and they love Kelli too. She would be better off if she moved away from all of them excepting for Pop who remains a treasure to know. If only he would stand up to his wife once in a while.

Daily thoughts

Today is a cloudy Sunday, repercussions from the Hurricane Rita that rumbled through the Gulf of Mexico and is now pushing rain and wind North and East. Though we are spared from the wrath of two back to back Category 5 hurricanes, we are in no way spared from the damage it causes the economy, the gas prices, and other things we take for granted that come up from the southern states. We are blessed, more than we realize we are blessed.

I hate these troubled times. The Bible tells me this will all increase in time, and that soon, as the stage gets fully set for Jesus Christ to return for His faithful, we will be redeemed who have trusted in Him. Sadly, many I love will never see heaven.

My wife's father has taken ill again, and is in the hospital after having a death to life experience at the hands of a paramedic. Seems through this he has a new outlook on what life may have to yet offer him. There was a chance that his grand daughter was pregnant. As unwelcome as that is for a teenage girl, it would have still been his great-grandchild, and who can over look that reality.

Meanwhile we struggle to try to get either Jennifer back with her children, or have Christina go out there to get them. Jennifer has elected to get a divorce from Tyler, but I suspect it may be a smokescreen, one that DSS out there will surely sense as well. She must follow through with it. And Tyler needs to stay away so it isn't preceived as a smokescreen.

And now life goes on...to what I am uncertain, but it goes on. I continue to be the subject of my wife's accusations, of what I haven't a clue, but she seems bent on accusing me of something. I just got done telling my mother how I would never leave Kelli under any circumstances, and now I wonder how much I can stand of this. She has the false impression that I don't do anything around here, the evidence more shows that it is she who says she will do this or that and it does not get done...unless we happen to have guests coming over. Between Jessica and I we have been doing a lion's share of the laundry, and I do the kitchen EVERYTHING most of the time anyway. It is I who should plead for help. There is one other teenager living here who has yet to do any folding of laundry and continues to crap up her own room, which to me is her problem since she has to live in it.

Daily thoughts

My wife had some sort of emergency surgery yesterday. A hernia from an old incision was acting suspiciously like a
kidney stone. But thankfully it was not. The doctors repaired the culprit and now she has to recover from the surgery.
With a pile of laundry, and an equally high pile of bills, I am becoming more convinced that we need to file for
bankruptcy protection. We have until October 17th according to the news on the new laws.

My wife is changing jobs. The issue is more money. Now her former employer wants her to stay but she has already made a commitment to the
new employer. So, what's a girl to do? I say honor the last commitment you made, because it is about more than just money now. It is about
honoring one's promises. Particularly hard is that she waited longer than she should have to tell the first employer and asked the latter one for
a time period of three weeks, which he granted. So my take on this is you must oblige the latter one.

A cooler weekend, and now I suspect an early and very hard winter this year. One that most Americans can't afford.

Daily thoughts

Daily thoughts
As with all things good, life moves on. Direction is unknown except for my destiny in Christ.
The kids grow up and move out and have lives that at times may worry me, but it is for them
to solve the mysteries ahead. I have solved some of mine. Some will remain unsolved. In all,
there can be only one reality...do you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? In the end
all of what we do and say will be weighed by HIM

Daily thoughts

Daily thoughts

There is always something to be thankful for...at least that is what they tell you. I partially believe it now because I am thankful for my wife, Kelli and there is no one who I wish to replace her with. She has a hot temper, and when she goes off, she is impulsive about what she says and does. She has chosen to stay with me under the most trying circumstances, and that has to be very hard to do. I pray for her sake that these circumstances will improve for her. She drinks way too much, but I think she is starting to resolve matters of the past in her heart so that the past is becoming once again, the past.

My youngest has lost her first job, got canned, if you will because she was not mature enough. She must now own up to her failures, not try to hide behind things being someone else's doing but her own, then she must move on and learn from what she has experienced, for that is what makes a person of true grit and character.

Daily thoughts

Daily thoughts

I can't believe the bull crap people will put you through to get their own way. It seems my step daughter decided to stir up people, and although there are some things that may be true, they are out of context, or changed to make them sound worse than they are. When push comes to shove, I can be verbally reactive. I don't launch out on word assaults without being needled to do so. This is really causing problems in my marriage. Kelli's a bad mother and I am always picking on Mary, but the thing is all I am doing is trying to get her to comply with something I have told her to do. That's what a parent does. I can not see why my hands should seem tied in my own home. Everyone else in the place complies, but Mary has to mouth back and say things that hurt me, in retaliation I say things back. We are both mean to each other. She's an adolescent and I'm a full grown adult, but I still have freaking feelings.

So now her grandmother, a meddlesome witch, has decided to pull some shit. Guess she won't stop until Kelli and I are divorced. Hope we can out last her.

Summer of 2 double ott 5

My daughter at Graduation! Congrats Beckaboo!
You can't imagine what it's like to be in a relationship where there are cards stacked against you from get-go. I couldn't either 5 years ago, now I am taking a new look at my thinking. Everyone has flaws. Mine I guess would be that I don't take anyone's verbal crap without giving back some in return. At times I can even be known to say hurtful things, I guess to inflict hurt on the person hurting me with their words. I know that what I say, I don't mean, but I blurt without checking the outcome first. This flaw is causing problems in my marriage, so the solution would be that I need to step back more, evaluate my options, and instead of blurting I should take a walk, drive, or whatever to avoid being "sucked in" to someone else's difficulty. As a step-parent, I am certain that there is no way I can run my own home. I don't have enough support from my partner on a consistent basis, and if I want to remain married to her, I have to learn that I am just a transcient here until the kids are all grown up and moved out....can't wait! Am I being selfish? Perhaps, but I know that I have been battling the same scenario since 2001, not only with a step child, but with my mother-in- law. And I feel done with the battle. I will lick my wounds and try me best to tough it out and survive. I will continue in my faith and attend church regularly even though I have no partner in that, and should not have expected one in it. I will go because God is the one who can help me to become what I cannot become on my own accord. I will love my wife until / unless love becomes "not enough".