Afterward

After the big graduation I am feeling a bit older. Now, I realize that there is no way to go back in time, and I am not sure I'd want to relive everything anyway. Still there is a certain amount of realization on my part that I am going to get old, and I am going to see people before me that I care about die for various reasons, nothing can stop that. God has appointed unto every man one death.

My #3 daughter has graduated, and has done very well in school. I regret that I am unable to give her the money she needs to go to college. I regret that she is going to have to work until she can acquire her own financial aid. That hurts me. That cuts me like a knife because I think about all of the times I squandered away what I had for a few selfish earthly pleasure.

My oldest is now trying to get my grandchildren out of foster care and with family. I am proud of her, and I pray for her success. In that, I am further regretful that I am unable to get them out due to my past. Everyone has a past, but one day I shall write a book about mine, so that perhaps someone might see it and think before they act.

Is there a mafia element in this country today. I believe so. I don't know nor want to know where , when, and all of that. It seems my #2 daughter has been rumored to be mixed up with someone that may be part of such a thing. I hope she gets her marbles back before she loses all she has.

Another Chapter in Life

The things we choose and the paths we all take can have ripple effects on everyone around us. We do not live unto ourselves, but the things we do, both good and bad effect not only us, but our families, our friends, especially those we love dearest.

At this writing, my second eldest daughter has chosen a path that has caused great pain for her entire family. She has been homeless, and just lost custody of her two children to the Social Service agency in the area she's living in. There is a second grandchild born to us named Gabrielle, born June 8th. There are many questions, but no answers are coming. She chose to keep us in the dark about her homelessness, and about her baby.

My past makes it impossible for me to get them out of foster care, and my daughter back here to relative safety. Following her husband's lead, she has elected to mess with underworld characters, probably trying to find a quick wealth....but that sort of thing does not come, or comes with a very heavy price.

I have two grand children in foster care that I can not help at this time. I am very wounded. I wish I had been a better man my whole life. I wish my eldest daughter and her husband could get them out. I am amiss of solutions.

My wife is beside herself, Jen's sisters are beside themselves. Even her grandmother can't help because the has to deal with my father's early alzheimers symtoms. All the while our finances suck and our own children cause us challenges normal to their teen years, but nevertheless, this adds to the stress pot.

Help Oh God, our weaknesses.

Enough! Too Much for an Old Man

I discovered that I am not as "able bodied" as I was 10 years ago, and have elected to resign from
Wal-Mart. The size of the store, the neglect on other parts of my life for money just didn't seem like sound reasons to stay. I call this afternoon to inform them and thank them for hiring me and giving me the opportunity. I will have to pray for another financial solution. Maybe bankrutcy is the only option.

Kelli is working a little, and we still have "some" unemployment left for her. God can help her get that job she wants, it she will consistently trust Him for that. All of us neglect our faith, and we give God a finite amount of time to answer our prayers, or we go do like I did and try to help themselves. I have neglected church last Sunday because I had no energy left after work.

We will do without cable TV and other things as needed to get by until things can improve for us.