Nov 13, 2006
Fall of 2006 Thoughts
It's the middle of November, we have just turned on our DSL connection and are now enjoying 21st century speed. How long I can afford it is up to God. Kelli has been doing well with the alcohol problem, but I wish she'd stop completely. Content I guess I should be that she has not really come home drunk in a long time. Our marriage has been rocky, but we are working things out there I think. I love her, I must for all of the problems I have hung in there for.
One more in the nest to boot out. Hope she leaves soon.
Jun 26, 2006
No Pain-No Gain?
Whatever it takes for us to sit down and listen to the Lord, it will happen. It happens because He loves us with unending enduring love. It happened for Kelli on June 6th, 2006. She put her fist through a plate glass window of the storm door because she was drunk, and mad at me. What she got for he effort was many stitches, an almost severed off arm, and much loss of blood. She was very lucky, and is recovering nicely, but she has learned something too. This was enough to be her "wake up call". I am not glad it happened that way, only that she woke up.
May 18, 2006
Daily thoughts
Daily thoughts
It seems all of us have crosses to bare. Kelli's is her health, which she does not manage very well. She now has a large mass in her breast, the one that was operated on last and a mass removed already. The same one that pre-cancer cells was found in. Although she has not made a big deal out of it tonight so far, I know her well enough to know she is scared. This is a fear that many women with fibrocystic disease deal with on a lifetime basis.
We have rain now. The drought watch is probably going to be over for a while. The sun has poked out this evening, it's 6:28Pm EST and days are longer now anyway.
I continue to struggle with debt, resisting bankruptcy and laboring through what I can pay. Meanwhile our utilities need to be paid and we need to be able to rise above all of this and be able to enjoy life again. Perhaps along the way we will get time to relax. Maybe that is not what life really offers, but it is never the less a hope I have.
Challenges abound where Mary is concerned, she continues to test me and in fact is down right abusive knowing I can not do anything about it. I hate being a stepfather, and I hate how I have to feel when she's around. I wish she'd hurry up and move the fu*k out!
Kelli had to go back into work tonight, so I am Mr. Mom for a couple of hours.
It seems all of us have crosses to bare. Kelli's is her health, which she does not manage very well. She now has a large mass in her breast, the one that was operated on last and a mass removed already. The same one that pre-cancer cells was found in. Although she has not made a big deal out of it tonight so far, I know her well enough to know she is scared. This is a fear that many women with fibrocystic disease deal with on a lifetime basis.
We have rain now. The drought watch is probably going to be over for a while. The sun has poked out this evening, it's 6:28Pm EST and days are longer now anyway.
I continue to struggle with debt, resisting bankruptcy and laboring through what I can pay. Meanwhile our utilities need to be paid and we need to be able to rise above all of this and be able to enjoy life again. Perhaps along the way we will get time to relax. Maybe that is not what life really offers, but it is never the less a hope I have.
Challenges abound where Mary is concerned, she continues to test me and in fact is down right abusive knowing I can not do anything about it. I hate being a stepfather, and I hate how I have to feel when she's around. I wish she'd hurry up and move the fu*k out!
Kelli had to go back into work tonight, so I am Mr. Mom for a couple of hours.
Apr 30, 2006
Daily thoughts: New Lease
Daily thoughts: Sweet Guy
It has been one week and 2 days since Kelli's last drink. I can see her trying to get ahold of her alcoholism now. I also hope this won't be temporary for her. She said she now knows I was serious about leaving her. If that motivates her, then that is a good thing, right?
I also went through a short trial of my own. I had a Nuclear Stress Test the monday before Easter, and got a call on that Tuesday following telling Kelli I had better get set up for a Heart Cath soon. We both were panicing and stressing over that. On Good Friday I had the cath done. The doctor claimed that there was an 11% chance it was wrong, but the cath was the only way to know for certain. So, I was looking forward to having Stents put in, and panicing and stressing the whole time. The stress test was WRONG! I was not only clear, but had no narrowings either.
Now all I have to deal with is getting this weight off, getting my blood sugar under control, and maybe even getting off all three of my medications within a year's time. THAT SHALL BE MY GOAL! I am doing fairly well with that so far.
To Kelli: I love you so much. I hope you will beat the alcohol thing. I really hope Mary doesn't drive us apart in the end. I will try not to let her win! When she is 18 and graduated, I can toss her butt out! And I will.
It has been one week and 2 days since Kelli's last drink. I can see her trying to get ahold of her alcoholism now. I also hope this won't be temporary for her. She said she now knows I was serious about leaving her. If that motivates her, then that is a good thing, right?
I also went through a short trial of my own. I had a Nuclear Stress Test the monday before Easter, and got a call on that Tuesday following telling Kelli I had better get set up for a Heart Cath soon. We both were panicing and stressing over that. On Good Friday I had the cath done. The doctor claimed that there was an 11% chance it was wrong, but the cath was the only way to know for certain. So, I was looking forward to having Stents put in, and panicing and stressing the whole time. The stress test was WRONG! I was not only clear, but had no narrowings either.
Now all I have to deal with is getting this weight off, getting my blood sugar under control, and maybe even getting off all three of my medications within a year's time. THAT SHALL BE MY GOAL! I am doing fairly well with that so far.
To Kelli: I love you so much. I hope you will beat the alcohol thing. I really hope Mary doesn't drive us apart in the end. I will try not to let her win! When she is 18 and graduated, I can toss her butt out! And I will.
Mar 24, 2006
Sweet Guy
I am now diagnosed as having diabetes. Although this should alarm me, it is merely a wake up call to lose weight that I have badly needed to lose before. We are going to see if it is diet controlled or if I will need insulin or pills. Neither one scares me, I have never been afraid of needles. Now, at least I understand why I have had the types of cravings I have been having this past year.
I am not sure how long I have had it, but it must be that my blood sugar fluctuates because I can tell when it is up. I will now have to be vigilant about taking care of the body that God entrusted to me. I will exercise by walking for now, and will look into using the school's gym equipment.
Kelli is still drinking a lot, she does not seem to realize what this is doing to her and I, and perhaps she just does not care. Pridefully, she'll say that she does not care if I leave, but I think she will if/ when it happens. I am getting to the end of my tolerance of her situation. She needs AA and counseling to deal with underlying issues. Until she does that, she will continue until she has nothing, or dies. Too bad, because I really really love her.
I am not sure how long I have had it, but it must be that my blood sugar fluctuates because I can tell when it is up. I will now have to be vigilant about taking care of the body that God entrusted to me. I will exercise by walking for now, and will look into using the school's gym equipment.
Kelli is still drinking a lot, she does not seem to realize what this is doing to her and I, and perhaps she just does not care. Pridefully, she'll say that she does not care if I leave, but I think she will if/ when it happens. I am getting to the end of my tolerance of her situation. She needs AA and counseling to deal with underlying issues. Until she does that, she will continue until she has nothing, or dies. Too bad, because I really really love her.
Mar 19, 2006
Daily thoughts
Daily thoughts
The simple life escapes me. Who ever came up with that quote had a screw loose. For me the simple life would be simply my kids picking up after themselves, doing their homework accurately, and eating meals at the right times. That never happens, and I look forward to their being on their own because then and only then will they see first hand what it takes to run a household. Right now, I feel like the household runs the parents.
We are ruining our kids. They will grow up without a clue on how to manage home life. They will think dinner means "going out", instead of it meaning family time, and sitting down until everyone is finished. They will grow up thinking parents are supposed to buy their kids cars, and provide computers and internet access whenever they want it. Horse shit! Why have we allowed this? Why have we let our children rule and reign? Are we afraid of their rejection of us if we say "no" to them?
The simple life escapes me. Who ever came up with that quote had a screw loose. For me the simple life would be simply my kids picking up after themselves, doing their homework accurately, and eating meals at the right times. That never happens, and I look forward to their being on their own because then and only then will they see first hand what it takes to run a household. Right now, I feel like the household runs the parents.
We are ruining our kids. They will grow up without a clue on how to manage home life. They will think dinner means "going out", instead of it meaning family time, and sitting down until everyone is finished. They will grow up thinking parents are supposed to buy their kids cars, and provide computers and internet access whenever they want it. Horse shit! Why have we allowed this? Why have we let our children rule and reign? Are we afraid of their rejection of us if we say "no" to them?
Feb 25, 2006
Daily thoughts
Daily thoughts
There seems to be so much hate in the world today. Muslims are up in arms about some stupid cartoon depicting Mohammad. They say he was a prophet, but if he was a prophet he would have pointed them to Jesus Christ, not some god who tells them to kill people and terrorize the world. These terrorists are not going to heaven and get 10 virgins, they are headed straight to hell, and that is a fact. I think God intended us to love one another, not bite and devour one another.
My house is at war of late. My wife is an alcoholic with no end in sight of ever quitting. The turmoil in my life as a result of this is very great, and I cannot conceive of anything more than a short life caused by the stress. Our whole family is affected by this. Her daughters are becoming a mess. Rules and guidance went out the window along with moral teachings. I don't know what to do next. I have a friend in Singapore, and Kelli thinks I am cheating on her with this actually very young girl. Yet, the only thing I have in Ginny is a friend across the ocean that I may never meet. She has a lot of wisdom that she offers to me. I will take that anywhere I can get it.
My daughter, Jessica, is graduating this year....if she gets her grades up like they should be. My step-daughter, Ashley is also graduating...two for one this year. Lots of money is needed for graduation. I think it will have to be a hall or the backyard....which means I have a lot of work to do.
There seems to be so much hate in the world today. Muslims are up in arms about some stupid cartoon depicting Mohammad. They say he was a prophet, but if he was a prophet he would have pointed them to Jesus Christ, not some god who tells them to kill people and terrorize the world. These terrorists are not going to heaven and get 10 virgins, they are headed straight to hell, and that is a fact. I think God intended us to love one another, not bite and devour one another.
My house is at war of late. My wife is an alcoholic with no end in sight of ever quitting. The turmoil in my life as a result of this is very great, and I cannot conceive of anything more than a short life caused by the stress. Our whole family is affected by this. Her daughters are becoming a mess. Rules and guidance went out the window along with moral teachings. I don't know what to do next. I have a friend in Singapore, and Kelli thinks I am cheating on her with this actually very young girl. Yet, the only thing I have in Ginny is a friend across the ocean that I may never meet. She has a lot of wisdom that she offers to me. I will take that anywhere I can get it.
My daughter, Jessica, is graduating this year....if she gets her grades up like they should be. My step-daughter, Ashley is also graduating...two for one this year. Lots of money is needed for graduation. I think it will have to be a hall or the backyard....which means I have a lot of work to do.
Feb 4, 2006
What's Left
When you think you are at the end of your rope and then things get worse, you know that God is somehow trying to get your attention. I know I have to learn to listen to Him more attentively. It seems we go from one domestic situation to another.
I can attest to the fact that alcohol is a very real hinderance to having any money. When the one you love abuses it, you can watch your financial future go down the toilet, along with your respect and admiration you may have once had for them.
People are upset over cartoons of Mohammad, yet Mohammad was the beginning of terrorism. He used it himself during his attempts to get converts to Islam. I have no idea what he may have looked like, but I am sure he was Arab, a decendant of Ishmael. He did not steer followers to the true and living God, but instead to a god by another name....Allah they call him. I know that a war is coming against Jesus' foes, but it is hard to watch people following a false prophet.
I can attest to the fact that alcohol is a very real hinderance to having any money. When the one you love abuses it, you can watch your financial future go down the toilet, along with your respect and admiration you may have once had for them.
People are upset over cartoons of Mohammad, yet Mohammad was the beginning of terrorism. He used it himself during his attempts to get converts to Islam. I have no idea what he may have looked like, but I am sure he was Arab, a decendant of Ishmael. He did not steer followers to the true and living God, but instead to a god by another name....Allah they call him. I know that a war is coming against Jesus' foes, but it is hard to watch people following a false prophet.
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