Daily thoughts

Daily thoughts

I can't believe the bull crap people will put you through to get their own way. It seems my step daughter decided to stir up people, and although there are some things that may be true, they are out of context, or changed to make them sound worse than they are. When push comes to shove, I can be verbally reactive. I don't launch out on word assaults without being needled to do so. This is really causing problems in my marriage. Kelli's a bad mother and I am always picking on Mary, but the thing is all I am doing is trying to get her to comply with something I have told her to do. That's what a parent does. I can not see why my hands should seem tied in my own home. Everyone else in the place complies, but Mary has to mouth back and say things that hurt me, in retaliation I say things back. We are both mean to each other. She's an adolescent and I'm a full grown adult, but I still have freaking feelings.

So now her grandmother, a meddlesome witch, has decided to pull some shit. Guess she won't stop until Kelli and I are divorced. Hope we can out last her.

Summer of 2 double ott 5

My daughter at Graduation! Congrats Beckaboo!
You can't imagine what it's like to be in a relationship where there are cards stacked against you from get-go. I couldn't either 5 years ago, now I am taking a new look at my thinking. Everyone has flaws. Mine I guess would be that I don't take anyone's verbal crap without giving back some in return. At times I can even be known to say hurtful things, I guess to inflict hurt on the person hurting me with their words. I know that what I say, I don't mean, but I blurt without checking the outcome first. This flaw is causing problems in my marriage, so the solution would be that I need to step back more, evaluate my options, and instead of blurting I should take a walk, drive, or whatever to avoid being "sucked in" to someone else's difficulty. As a step-parent, I am certain that there is no way I can run my own home. I don't have enough support from my partner on a consistent basis, and if I want to remain married to her, I have to learn that I am just a transcient here until the kids are all grown up and moved out....can't wait! Am I being selfish? Perhaps, but I know that I have been battling the same scenario since 2001, not only with a step child, but with my mother-in- law. And I feel done with the battle. I will lick my wounds and try me best to tough it out and survive. I will continue in my faith and attend church regularly even though I have no partner in that, and should not have expected one in it. I will go because God is the one who can help me to become what I cannot become on my own accord. I will love my wife until / unless love becomes "not enough".

I Have Feelings Too! Damn it!

Daily thoughts

July 4th, 2005 -

Whiz bang! Fireworks will adorne the skies of many a town tonight as Americans celebrate in their own way, the anniversary of the Independence of our Nation. Freedom fought for, freedom died for. I am proud to be an American, and to have served in the United States Air Force.

At home today, things are quiet. I should rejoice, I mean isn't this what I have always wanted? Well, sort of. What I really want is to figure a way to get along with a 15 year old teenage girl who strives to make my life miserable, and I let her succeed. Now I regret my part in this almost daily event with her, but I surrender to my feelings too much. Now what I plan to do is simply be here, but NOT here. I will put food on the table to the best of my ability. I will do my part in keeping my house in order. Then when trouble brews, I will simply hop in the car and depart from it. There's no fixing this, so I will merely endure it.